As early as I could with ±200 days til commencement, I submitted my application for master's degree in Library & Information Science.
And, of course, bureaucracy being what it is, there were small glitches, but as of 10:30am CDT, the check is written and the myriad forms are submitted.
Now, all that remains is the work.
There is a strong risk of depression with diabetes, especially if one is older. I've seen links to reports lately, but didn't read them/it yet. But, I'm guessing that my low mood of late is some what attributable to my weight gain and poor eating, both of which I know are hurting me and putting me at greater risk for complications.
I try to think back to how frightened I was when I got the frantic call from my doctor's nurse in 2006, how well I immediately responded to the diet and lifestyle changes I knew I had to make... now, although I've only regained 10 of the 30 pounds I lost, and although I don't eat nearly as bad as I did, I still am not following the lifestyle that will keep me living well as a Type II diabetic.
I am so proud of my friend who has done so well with Weight Watchers recently. I don't, however, feel like I want to follow that program, either by attending meetings or enrolling online (if she lived here, perhaps, but she's 2 hours away). There are some other diet programs online but I can't justify the cost-use-benefit of those with fees, and others are not tailored to diabetic needs. So, I was happy to discover (which doesn't mean it's new, only that I just found out) the Meal Plan program at the One Touch Gold Tools. (One Touch is a brand of blood glucose testing meters from LifeScan. It is a free program, and though I haven't explored enough to determine its limitations, I am hoping it can provide me some incentive and positive feedback to get me back on course...
At the beginning of the year, I was at 150 lbs., looking forward to the 135-140 lb. range to get my BMI at recommended level. Because my A1C was consistently below 7%, my doctor reduced my daily medication by 50%. Perhaps I was eating too many carbs, but it seems like immediately I gained 10 lbs. My courseload and full-time work and 90-minute daily commute leave me with little time and less energy for even minimal exercise, and my overindulgence in carbs and reduction of protein and vegetables does nothing to help either. Honestly, it will sound strange, but we eat out less now than in the past few years, and I eat better when I eat out: salad, lean meat, low-glycemic vegetables, and rarely desserts. At home, I'm too lazy to fix proper meal and am more likely to grab something which is not necessarily bad, but definitely not as good and balanced.
So, not exactly back to square one, but feeling weary with what I need to eat and do. I return to the doctor in November; hope to have a chance to discuss it all. For now, I'll use the meal planning ideas and ranges on the OneTouchGold.com to try to get back on track.
Next thing I know, I'm googling for the LDS genealogy website, trying to remember my mother's paternal grandmother's maiden name (Loftin), and with a wicked interest, I search for the EX. Nothing on his first, surname and state combination, so I try his father's. What I do find is rather sad: his mother passed away in 1994, and his father in 2001... having only the dates and location leaves me wondering about causes. I have ideas. His father was the same age as my mother, and she died two years before him. His mother was three years younger and died five years before my mother. I never find any information about the EX or his sibs online -- not that I want to have contact, but curiosity being what it is and all... you know how it is.
Obviously, I did not leave the marriage hating my ex-in-laws, or I would not be saddened for him/his family about this. Ed and Sally were good to me, even though I feel they force the EX to choose between me and them -- often enough that is was one of the prime reasons why I left him.
So, many years late, I pause to remember them. There were good and fun times there in Dallas, though they are slightly overshadowed by the grief of a failed marriage.
