anniversaries

Today is the 8th anniversary of my mother's death; it might just as well have happened last year, or last week. You just don't get "over" losing a parent.

It was fitting that last night, my sister and I had "breakfast" for supper. Not only was that one of my mother's favorite things to do late at night, my sister and I had several late night breakfasts together during those last few days of Mom's life.

I am swamped with end-of-semester course work, and did not go to the cemetery today, though I did stop for a few moments on my way home last night. My sister set out new flowers today also.

I might as well head to bed soon... my eyes are totally shot from being on the computer all day reading and writing. I can't work much more on one project until I hear from the professor anyway. And my hands hurt too much to knit. I will be better after Wednesday when all my school stuff it due, done and then only six more working days until Christmas break.

(it's also the 4th anniversary of this blog)

flower fun

I am a Canna What Flower Are You?

"You stand up for what you believe in, even if it gets in the way of what other people think. You are proud of yourself and your accomplishments and you enjoy letting people know that."

. . . latter part is not particularly accurate, imo.

childhood memories

If I hadn't been of the type all my life, I would certainly attribute some of my recent sentimentality to aging.

I do cataloging work at a university library, so one wouldn't expect that I handle children's books. However, we have a nationally renown collection, The de Grummond Collection. For several weeks I have been working with a list of donated books, determining whether we already have these items in the collection and if so, how many copies, etc. It is, like most cataloging, a bit like solving puzzles. Every time that I get to put "copy 1" in the list, I get a little thrill. Then there are the moments when I stumble across titles that (or authors who) are near and dear to my heart and my memories!

This morning it is Frances Boyd Calhoun's Miss Minerva and William Green Hill. If the copy I'm checking on the list today is a first edition, it will be a "copy 1" for the collection! We have 7 other editions currently in the collection. I'm curious to check the family copy for publication date.

I may have first read this book one summer while visiting my grandparents, but I am not sure. I know that the copy we have was always considered my sister's book. (Lo, and behold! When I went to get a link for you about the book, I discovered it is available in PDF from Google Books -- and also from many other locations. That's the cover on our copy, too!)

Sigh. But I suppose it is very politically incorrect to have fond memories of such a book . . . speaking of books, my list of reading over there on the right is woefully out of date.

morning break tidbits

* I'm glad I never uploaded the NaBlPoMo graphic, as I was out of town the first four days of November! I'd like to try the NaNoWriMo one of these years, though for short stories, not a novel. Two blogger "friends" have taken up the challenge (both for at least the second time, I believe . . . Rachel, and Karin.

* Today is 3rd Annual D-blog day. Although my D-blog technically is over at TuDiabetes (you have scroll down to see the blog as there is no direct link to it), I mention it here cause over there they all know about it! LOL!


* November is National Diabetes Awareness month -- aimed not only at those who are walking around undiagnosed, but as an attempt to inform and dispell the mis-information generally believed about this chronic disease.


November 14th, in fact, has been designated World Diabetes Day, too. Take time to be informed about this great threat to our health.

* There was something else . . . gone now.

snuggling

I finished one half the entrelac scarf, except for the pointed end. I send a request for help to Purl's Yarn Emporium last night. Hope to hear from someone there soon. So, I secured the live stitches and the remaining thread on that ball, then began with the second ball on the second half.
However, I haven't made much progress tonight (I have just now finised the ribbing and am ready to begin the entrelac), due to this:

Now that's he's changed positions, perhaps I can get back to it . . . or I could work on papers.

$120 later...

that's how much the tests cost me today at the university clinic. At my doctor's office they would have cost me n-o-t-h-i-n-g.

I am only taking partial responsibility for this fiasco, though.

un*believeable

What do you do when you adore your physician, but despise his office personnel and the way it is run??

--warning: long whiny post ahead--

I have been trying to see my doc for about two weeks. I'm not crazy about taking time off from work (it has to be personal leave, not sick, and I just don't have enough right now for all my needs, so I've been putting off many appointments/tests). Last week I tried to get an appointment. The NP I have been seeing is no longer there, Dr.R was only going to be in half-a-day on Friday, and they weren't taking appointments until that morning.

ok... he/they changed the way they do appointments a couple years ago. they *will* make you appointments a couple days ahead, but not several weeks ahead, and even then, there are only a few. the rest are made the day of or the day before... this is REALLY difficult on people, like me, who not only have to be at work before his office opens, but live a half-hour and work an hour away from the office...

So, yesterday, I decide I would try to get an appointment this week. While talking with his nurse (I was SO happy she answered the call; she I also adore), we decided I should get the tests done first. My plan was to leave work at 3:30, fly down to the office and get the lab work done, i.e, have the blood drawn. There is really NO point to seeing him until the results are back anyway. On the way, however, #1Son's car breaks down on me. Fortunately, it is right south of the exit where we live, and I have plenty of time. Or so I thought. And so there would have been IF i hadn't told him the wrong exit (there are two, one at the north end of town, one at the south).

About 20 minutes *after* the sheriff's deputy stopped to see if everything was all right, #1Son arrived and jumped the car. It was 5:45 and I was still a half-hour from the office, so home we went.

Now, today, I felt really awkward going to my supervisor asking to leave early again for the same reason... but, today, we arrive in plenty of time. Except... they closed the lab at 4:30 because they are administering flu shots.

Let us all groan together

THEN the little witch at the reception window starts giving me grief: do I have orders, yadayadayada. I walk back over to #1Son, talking, and trying to figure out what to do... the only choice I can think of beside returning AGAIN tomorrow afternoon (which I really can't do anyway) is to get the test done at the university clinic. So, I walk back to the counter, waiting behind the man now at the window. Said witch *interrupts* what she and the other staffer are saying to this man to tell ME "Mam'm, there is no one here to ..." I said, "I just want to ask you a question. I'm waiting for my turn." Holy crap... I could not believe how rude she was! In a couple of moments, she opens the window on the other end of the area, complete with pained, and offended facial contortions.

What I needed to know was, if I had the tests done at the clinic on campus could they send the report? (She thought probably so.) Would they require me to have an order from my doctor? (She didn't know.). . . . you know what, I'm tired of telling it, and I know you are tired of reading it.

I finally got an order, but he/they didn't include the cholesterol test I wanted.

They gave me all kinds of hassel: why *I* didn't have the order. One even insisted that the doctor "always" gives me an order at the previous visit for what I would need next. (NEVER has he done this in the year and a half he's been treating me for DM!) None of them would listen long enough to comprehend that I had called, HIS NURSE had told me to come, knew what tests I needed and why. These goofballs have NO idea what I need, nor any inclination to go out of their way.

Damn. I don't want to change doctors, but I am SO tired of dealing with his staff. (I recongnized ONE woman in the front office.) This kind of thing happens over and over down there. So, now two trips down there, an hour of leave, and I still don't have the tests done. And I do not know when I will have time tomorrow to even get to the clinic...

I probably should have posted this over on my tudiabetes blog and not bothered y'all with it. My stomach was full of whatever it is that gets dumped in there when you get stressed; adrenaline?? I don't know but I was naseuous as could be by the time we left and starving (hadn't eaten since noon because I wasn't even sure if I should have been fasting for the cholesterol) -- all these things are SO SO good for someone with diabetes, donchaknow?

Time for class, chicos. Hasta.

healthy attitudes?

This is a(nother long) diabetes-related rant post. No knitting or stitching or any kind of fun stuff. So, feel free to "mark as read" now... but the information may actually say as much about us all as people (or some of "us") in general in modern society than about those with diabetes in particular.

First, it's amazing how following the "doctor's orders" can make a difference in BSG readings. After only a few days of getting back to taking my meds as prescribed and cutting back my carbs (again), my numbers are back down and I am feeling better. I guess I was walking around in a "carb fog" and didn't realize it. The scale even went down a pound for a couple days -- I bounce 3 to 5 pounds some days, but I try to only weigh myself in the morning and no more than each morning. The greatest difficulty now (beside eating well) is remembering to take the metformin earlier in the evening so I don't wake up in the middle of the night with stomach pains. I thought it was the Vytorin and stopped taking it, but now I am beginning to believe it is the metformin.

Now to my real point: when my doctor first put the fear of god into me about how high my BSG had gotten, I was really scared. This was my third go-around with high BSG (gestational diabetes, and and then again in 1999 -- lost 20 pounds and everything went back to normal, hah hah). I took him and his instructions seriously and when I went back 2 weeks later, he looked at my numbers and started laughing. He asked me, "What did you do?" "I did what you told me to do."

If only everyone would, he said...

It's not easy to stay on track. And the U. of Chicago study mentioned the other day on Bernard Farrell's blog and on Daily Diabetic is scary -- there is a better article about the study at the University of Chicago Medical Center site.

The study is distressing because it speaks to our obsession with having a perfect life. Almost 20% of the participants would trade 8 to 10 years of life not to have to have to treat their diabetes:

"many patients found both complications and treatment onerous. Between 12 and 50 percent were willing to give up 8 of 10 years of life in perfect health to avoid life with complications. More surprising, between 10 and 18 percent of patients were willing to give up 8 of 10 years of healthy life to avoid life with treatments."

"Some patients, if you judge by their behavior, would rather be well on the road to future blindness, kidney failure or amputations then work hard now at their diabetes" (diabetes specialist Louis Philipson, MD, PhD, professor of medicine at the University of Chicago, who was not part of the research team).

I've not walked in a Type 1's shoes. I've been lucky so far to be able to control with only one med, diet and exercise. So, I certainly will not judge the participants. I can only hope that I never feel that hopeless.

An encouraging point in the report is that "Those who had experience with a specific medication or complication saw them as having less of an impact on quality of life than those without such direct experience." We always fear the unknown, and often unduly.

I would really like to read the full study article. If you happen to have access to Diabetes Care you can, too (that link will let anyone read the abstract, if you are interested). They have a three-month embargo, so I won't have access to it online for three months; campus library doesn't subscribe to the print version.

things i do for friends!

So... Rissa wants to buy something, and she needs some (more) enablement. BUT, she does so under the guise of "talk me out of it."

Now, you must remember that although I love having lots and lots of purses and bags and totes, I do not love to pay a lot for them, nor am I a name-brand person. I'd rather have ten purses for which I paid $10 each, than one for which I paid $100... because I like to c-h-a-n-g-e purses often!

[insert disappointing memories from childhood of not being able to afford John Tremain purses -- of which I can find nothing on the internet -- or Go-Go boots]

Just before we walk into Belks, she says, "If it's not still on 40% off, I'm not going to get it anyway." And, of course, it wasn't. So, we just turned around and left, right?

Of course, not! We wander around looking at all the purses (for me, it was curiosity about what I must be missing). Long story shortened: I left with this:


an "Authentic" Fossil Kendall Tote in Multi Print.
16" x 8.5" x 6" w/ 8.5" handle drop
cotton/canvas fabric w/ top-stitched embroidered accents
leather handles, bottom, and trim
two large interor compartments w/ center zip section; magnetic top closure
(for me, more of an overnight bag or tote; not a purse/handbag!)
Now, just who is enabling whom?

diamond

Today is my parent's 60th wedding anniversary.
(Diamond is the traditional gift.)
Their wedding took place in my mother's parent's living room. My mother wore a light blue suit.* I have at least one imprinted napkin, and I think a favor from the event... seems like there is another momento, too, but right now I can't recall.

They honeymooned at the Fountainbleu hotel in Biloxi. It has been gone since long before Katrina, but it sat near where the bypass to I-10 comes (came? is it still there?) down to the Coast and swings out over the water. (Can you tell I don't know my geography down there very well?)

Mom's been gone almost eight years, but I wanted to acknowledge the day.

*interesting to me because I wore a light blue suit (which my mother made for me) to 'get away' from my first wedding...no, not like THAT... I 'got away' from the marriage about three years later. also wore it on my one-year anniversary. See?

ohmygosh! look at the pointy collar and lapel! and you know what's really weird? that necklace was a gift from the man I almost married, not the one I did!

¿tu diabetes?

SugarStats led me to another diabetes site, a social network, in fact. There's a new link to it and to SugarStats in the sidebar (Tu Diabetes is the trio or hands -- with pricked fingers.) It's a little unwieldy to get around, and it's quite slow moving from one page to another (maybe it's just my computer), but I hope to benefit by being there.

hay una versión española también: EsTuDiabetes.com

ETA: My problems with TuDiabetes seem to have been related to something particular to Tuesday night -- last night things worked fine... by "unwieldy" I meant that the forums format was different than I expected. It is more like an aggregate reader...which is not bad, just different! :D I've added the forum RSS feeds to my Google Reader; I might like that better.

sugarstats

This morning my sugar was high. I always do badly on Sunday. Forgetting to take my medicine doesn't help matters. So, I ate a high-protein, no carb breakfast, and two hours later, it was still the same. Can you say "frustrated"??

I decided I should make a note somewhere about the circumstances of the high level, and opened the Journal feature of Outlook... except, I'm not always AT work when I take my sugar. I thought about my PDA... I even think I have loaded a program onto it for tracking BSG. But then I wondered if there was a place online (like the walking tracker) for tracking BSG. It would always be available, whether I was at home on my computer, or at work, or sitting at a hotspot.

"Google is your friend."

Sure enough, I found


SugarStats has both a free and a premium membership. I just signed up for the free; I haven't looked at the benefits of the premium yet. Just wanted to get some entries uploaded from my meter. Though I think being able to have the doctor download the information is one of the features of the premium membership. I also noticed that you can use Twitter to send an entry to SugarStats, so that takes care of the times when I don't have internet access.

I hope that having a place to keep notes of the situations when I take my BSG, and it's a little high (or low), will help me to see where I am having problems... ok, I *know* what the basic problem is: too many carbs, not enough proper eating, and too little exercise -- the same things that got me here in the first place, right? Well, I'm still happy to have an accountability place that is more convenient than a little notebook or my memory. SparkPeople just wasn't working for me.

Maybe this information will be helpful to others, too.

ETA (2:47PM): I even managed to figure out how to add an entry via Twitter!

as promised

A few more photos!

I took photos of my progress on the twin leaf scarf before I ripped it. I like the pattern just fine (though I think I made a mistake about one repeat in), but I want a few more beads, and in different places. Because I'm using a smaller bead, they really do disappear. I am going to play with placing them along where the decreases are made, and I really think they would look better worked into the stitch rather than just pushed up along the working thread. We'll see if that looks better. I'd like to find a way to use the remaining red yarn, too, but I can't figure out how. Also, I may toy with the double decreases; I'm not sure I like the way they look.

Now, on to the green top... the last time I mentioned (and likely the last time I worked on this project) it, was February 13, 2006! I have only worked about two more pattern repeats since I picked it up last week, so it basically looks the same as when I stopped.


I know this pattern -- which is another leaf/fern one -- is from a knitting magazine. I'll have to find it though; I can't remember which one and a quick look at the Interweave Knits website didn't find it. I'm really about to the point where I am going to start the sleeves and yoke. For that, I am going to use the same shaping as the pattern I used for my hemp yarn sweater.

swallowtail photos

Both my Swallowtail shawls are finished, but unblocked. Because I had so much yarn leftover from the first one, I wanted to make the second one larger. I didn't want to have to fiddle with the math (unless absolutely necessitated by running out of yarn!), so I just switched to larger needles. The grey was knit using size 4US, the red with size 6US.

You can see the difference the needlesize made in the photo above (the grey shawl is on top of the red shawl), and the amount of yarn remaining from each ball of MistiAlpaca in the one below.


I found a sweet, narrow, lace scarf pattern at Jimmys Wool, and last night began it in the grey. I had a mixed bag of (mostly size 10, I think) white, pearl, and silver-lined beads which I strung with a mid-eye, two-pointed beading needle. The pattern calls for Blue Sky Alpaca & Silk, which is what I am using on my green top, so we'll have to see how it works out in the MistiAlpaca lace weight. I'm using the same size needle which is called for in the pattern. I would say for the Alpaca & Silk, though, that you would want at least size 8 beads. If I make enough progress on it today, I will post a photo tonight.

I also have photos of the green top to post tomorrow.

backin' up

It happens now and then... I get blue about having diabetes (or, if you prefer, "being diabetic" -- some people get weird about both descriptions). I've been over-indulging in carbs lately. Mostly in the evenings, snacking on things I shouldn't. I am VERY tired of eating peanuts and peanut butter and cheese... and, to be honest, I get tired of eating meat. With the salad scares lately, it's getting hard to find a decent salad out. Gods, how I hate iceberg lettuce! And I'm falling back into the habit of not eating regularly. So, my sugar is running a little high. And, so, of course, that is distressing. It's a frustrating cycle. I also know that my stress level affects my blood sugar, and there are a number of things keeping that elevated as well. As I've heard it said, "They call it 'comfort food' for a reason!"

I guess I just got lazy because I've had it under such good control for over a year. Then, a little here a little there, and soon I'm (halfway) back (with the MAJOR exception of sugared sodas and potatoes!!) to the carb-snacking I used to do. I was going to go the doctor tomorrow (campus is closing for the football game that's being broadcast by ESPN), but I'm afraid my AC1 would be high.

I'm not really whining. I thought if I put it out there, be honest and accept responsibility for the situation that perhaps I would be more motivated to get back on track. No one with diabetes wants their family and friends to act like "Diabetes Police" -- just understanding and support. In the end, I have to do it for me.

Did I mention I finished the red Swallowtail? Hmm.. yes, I did. I want to get back to another project (think I mentioned that as well), but it will take time to figure out where I was when I stopped. I believe I was going to use one more skein on the body (I'm working in the round, bottom-up) before I begin the little sleeves and yoke. I have class tonight, so will not likely be able to concentrate on knitting.

sunday pm!

Wow! It's 4:30pm on Sunday afternoon and ALL of my classwork which is due by midnight tonight is completed and submitted!
I can actually enjoy a quiet Sunday evening... go to supper, knit, and watch some television we recorded during the week -- or some of the Law & Order: Criminal Intent 6th season marathon on USA.
Speaking of knitting, I have one knit row and the bind-off row yet to do to finish the red Swallowtail! More reason for a happy dance! I may pull out a WIP I was reminded of when IM'ing with my sister last night. Pictures will follow.

morning murphies

The day began well enough. I was over my stomache problem which had sent me home from work at noon yesterday. Son#1 was up and coming to class, though still ill. We took his car so DH could have the truck. We had just gotten on the interstate when we hear a loud flapping noise: the tread on the left front tire was shredding. Son#1 got out the doughnut/spare and I called home to get someone to bring us the truck. (Son#1 didn't want to drive on it until he was ready to go get tires, which, btw, he'd just gone to have done on Monday but the store didn't have the right ones for his Cougar.)

Son#2 had to wake up DH, because Son#2 could not bring us the truck because *he* can not drive a standard transmission. In the meantime, Son#1 realizes neither of the lug wrenches in his trunk actually FIT the lug nuts on the tire! DH is asked to bring tools...

Next, the doughnut/spare is flat. DH & I drive home to get the air tank. Back at the Cougar, tire is pumped up and then... it won't start. Battery is dead. Called Son#2 to bring battery cables. He finally arrives, Cougar is jump started and everyone is happily on their way... except for Son#2. DH asks that Son#2 follow him home just in case. Son#2 neglects to tell DH that he will be late for class, follows his dad home and then e-mails me so that.... nevermind... this saga is way overlong already!

The good thing, is that Son#1 went to the on-campus clinic (again) and this time a (different) doctor (did not say "Probably a virus) wrote him a script for antibiotics. One of those once-a-day for three days ones, so I hope he is better soon!

On the knitting front, I've only been able to knit at night since I've been driving to work. I was up to row 7, I think, on the edging last night when I found a mistake. So, I'm tinkering back to half-way across row 5 to fix it. Probably happened while I was watching a series premier! At least classwork is light this week, cause I am chomping at the bit to get this finished! Back to work, y'all.

d-feeting diabetes

 I've managed to lose the weight I picked up in Chicago -- this is a very good thing, though I do miss the Uno's pizza! -- but my sugar is still higher than I would like. Obviously, I'm not eating as well as I should. Nor am I getting enough daily exercise. Sedentary jobs are bad for that.

 In that vein, last night I registered online for the Walk for Diabetes being held here on September 30th. I found out from a co-worker that it is only three miles. I hope I receive more details soon. The logo is so cute (don't try to click-- link coding isn't there), and so is the slogan:

"Everyone's Walking to D-feet Diabetes"

 Even though I *only* have Type II, which is often (and, thankfully, the case for me) easily controlled with diet and exercise, I know that juvenile diabetes and Type I in adults is not so easily controlled, even with medicines and/or insulin... and the side-effect conditions are extremely serious to the point of being fatal. The statistics are alarming, not just the diagnosed cases, but especially the estimation that over 6 million people in the United States are walking around undiagnosed!

 So... forget the low-carb fad. There are much more serious reasons to watch your carbs! Know the symptoms and get your blood sugar checked regularly. The American Diabetes Association website, of course, has lots of information.

peacefulness

I want to share a Tibet photo with you. It is my current desktop background, and I enjoy it so much that I thought I would show it to you all. (I took one much like it, but this one is Andrea's.)


This is Namtso, a sacred lake north of Lhasa. The mountains are the Nyenchen Tanglha, which is also the name of the protector god of Lhasa, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, all of Tibet as well as the local region.

This is one of the most sacred spots in a land of sacredness. It is also very cold there! The altitude is over 15 thousand feet at the lake; the pass over which you must come to get to the lake is over 17 thousand feet, and Nyenchen Tanglha summit is over 23 thousand feet!

chortling!

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

    I found my missing (since July 29th) flash drive!

    It was caught between the console and the rail on which the passenger seat moves forward. That area of the truck has been full of "stuff" and this is the first opportunity I have had taken to search since we took all the "stuff" out before we drove to Jackson to catch the train to Chicago!

I
am
very
happy.

    See... I am easily pleased after all, eh??

8-P