Rissa wrote several times during the past year or so (e.g., this) about body image, and the whole thing hit me hard this week when I saw the photographs of me from our trip to Tibet.
I have lost 30 pounds since last Spring. But, as evidenced by the photos, I still have quite a tummy on me. My face is still puffy (and red and, well, not pocked exactly, but not smooth), and my eybrows are all but gone.
For comparison, here's a shot taken a year ago in Mexico:
I had already lost between 12 and 18 pounds before I went to Mexico; maybe a little more. I can't remember exactly.
Now look at this shot from two years ago, taken in Jamaica:
Holy sh*t! I had no idea I was so fat! I actually thought that dress looked really good on me.
And the worst part is, that in lots of ways I don't feel any thinner than I did two years ago -- except when I go buy clothes. Until I look at photos, or in the mirror, it just feels like the same ol' unattractive fat body -- which is really horrible to say/think/feel after losing that much weight!
Weird, huh? And "funny" -- see me laughing?
Of course, I do feel better physically because of the weight loss, and about eating better. It just shocked me; first, to see the photos of my obvious paunch -- and second, to look with new eyes at the photo from two years ago. The hair looks better, though, doesn't it? Perhaps it is time to go short again... and somewhere between the light and dark in these photos.
3 comments:
Cynthia,
do you know what I noticed first in these photos? Your beautiful warm smile. It lights up your face and gives an impression of someone who is approachable and friendly. I think that's much more important than body size, shape, dimension.
You are so sweet, Mary Anne. I didn't really mean to sounds so down on myself. I am basically a very happy and contented person. Thanks for reminding me to say that. :)
I am telling you girl, you are doing great...and there is something crazy about our minds that makes us unable to see ourselves the way others see us. :-D
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